Love tank? It’s the idea that your heart is this empty tank that you can fill with love from different sources. It’s not the idea of being empty that’s the centre of this. It’s more about finding those sources that you can expect to pour into your tank whenever you feel lacking. Being humans, we are bound to make mistakes. Being humans, we can never truly be enough for anyone and it is most faulty to expect that from anyone or from ourselves. Sometimes, though, we meet someone who makes us want to be enough for them. Even without logic, we desire to give them things that could make them happy even if there may be no reciprocation. But in the land of reality, that’s just foolish.
There is a fine line between love and stupidity. It’s a constant struggle between loving unconditionally and loving right. But what is the right way to love, anyway? I cannot give you a definite answer but I do know that the basic truth remains: we can only love someone else if we loved ourselves enough. The ideal situation is that we only give excess love, so that we may never feel lacking and thus not having the need for that person to love you back. But life doesn’t always work out, and self-love is a life-long project.
At this very moment, I am back in my hometown, writing this piece to share with you the things I’m doing to pick myself up:
Go back to the place where you can only expect love and support
Home doesn’t have to be your hometown, literally. It just happened to be the case for me. My hometown is where my family and friends are – the people who have seen me at my best and my worst, but I can always expect to consciously decide to accept and love me.
Show appreciation to the people who are still there
We can get wrapped up in our own world sometimes that we ignore the people who have always stuck out for us. We forget to show them how much we actually appreciate them and all the times they’ve endured rejection from us no matter how accidental.
Talk to someone you can trust to listen
There are different people we can run to in times of self-doubt. There are people who can listen to everything and just be there. There are others who can advise you instead. Assess which you need at the moment. Keep a steady pace and you’ll be okay in no time.
Forgive and Be Patient
You will backslide once or twice (more than that for me, unfortunately). That’s okay. Choosing to love yourself is harder for some people – reason being I don’t know. All I know is that we constantly have to choose to forgive ourselves. As human beings, we are designed to make mistakes – repeatedly, even. But I would like to believe that we are equally designed to get back up and heal wounds from making bad decisions. People will hurt and disappoint you, but most of it is our fault too. Forgive them too. Nothing is ever black and white. The best thing to do is to allow yourself the time you need to be okay again. You deserve it.
Only do things that make you feel loved and capable of loving again
Go through your box of memories if it reminds you of the reasons why people appreciate you as a person. Go out and feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. Go to the beach and run – feel the wind in your face. Get together with your friends and laugh about the stupid things you used to do in high school. Reconnect with that person you’ve cut communications with because you decide to move on. Take a nap and give yourself that much needed rest. Eat an extra bar of chocolate. Kiss your grandma. Embrace your baby brother. Do anything except to go back to that place that didn’t make you smile. You’ve cried enough. It’s time to be happy again.