Confessions Of An Anti-Blogger: A Change Of Heart

by Rachael Adams

I normally have an aversion to showy displays of affection, but heck, it’s that time of year again! We are encouraged to express our love for that special someone, so I guess it would be nice to contribute for once. This month, I’m celebrating and declaring my love for the Internet and abandoning all my uninformed prejudices against blogging.

Blogging was a medium that I never understood.I had no further inclination of wanting to understand because of my unrelenting stubbornness and close-mindedness. I had stigmatised blogs as self-glorification pages designed to initiate widespread validation. I even had it fixed in my mind that bloggers were whiny and borderline narcissistic folk. To me, it was like a dear diary extract addressed to the world, a concept I couldn’t readily grasp. This was affirmation of the fact I didn’t fit into society’s accepted bubble where self-promotion was a commonplace hobby.

To my astonishment and shame when I came to actively engage in blogs, I didn’t find myself judging, I found myself relating. They often made me laugh and they always made me think – my two favourite activities – oh boy. What I read were not vapid follies of an egotistical teen but they were interesting and stimulating musings. Bloggers are smart, witty, brave and empowering. I want to thank all you bloggers and writers from distant lands for proving me wrong, in the best way possible.

When I was questioning the point of my individuality and becoming ashamed of my unwillingness to conform, I found solace in your blogging – it gave me comfort, courage and conviction. This was especially in regards to the personal essays about life, love and friendships. The complicated areas that I wouldn’t say I have a flair for getting ‘right’.

I have never been in love but have experienced it vicariously through friends’ anecdotes. My ideas of intimacy have been predominantly crafted (and skewed) through film and the media. So, I often felt alienated from society and the sexual politics of the 21st century. I needed to look a certain way to be beautiful and worthy; I needed to be sexy and fearless unless I wanted a one-way ticket to spinsterhood. Such high standards left no hope for woeful me, whose primary attributes are sarcasm and social awkwardness… hello boys *[wink].

It was if my own generation had disowned me. Enter… the Internet – huh? It’s a strange space, often filled with so much scorn and hatred. It would seem like a foolish place to seek life advice. Alas…  I Googled and what I found was actually a whole lot of lovin’.

I quickly associated the Internet with more positive things, with strong minds and empathetic hearts. At a time where social media was making me feel eternally inadequate, I was exposed to the difference between ‘reel’ and ‘real’ women. There are some powerful and moving extracts out there; it was refreshing to read about the gritty and honest scenarios that real women have to deal with. They are relatable and liveable. To know some people are just as afraid and vulnerable as me is strangely comforting. Just because you are different, it doesn’t mean that you’re by any means alone.

So, I’ve had a change of heart.

I was being heartless and hateful. Once, I thought blogging only brought internal satisfaction and dismissed it as a mere self-indulgent activity. I now appreciate that the benefits to blogging are primarily external, altruistic even. These kind and comforting words from strangers have healed and helped me more than I have the power to express.

This is why positive online platforms like Taylor Magazine are so important in our crazy world where we like to talk about love but it’s hating that seems to be the fashionable thing to do. Instead let’s show compassion, give hope and inspire.

As a virgin blogger, this is my first official love letter to the universe, and I guess a little thank you note too. I may not have spent Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend but I do have you hilarious, quirky and intelligent bunch of virtual friends to keep me company while I cradle a cuppa and watch Bridget Jones for the 5th time this week.

Thank you, you beautiful web of strangers – your words have given me courage and peace of mind, your stories have moved me and your abstractions on the strange world we live in have made me feel like less of a stranger to it. Please keep writing your hearts out on our digital screens, because I for one will always be a ready listener. xo.

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