Dear John: Why Love Letters Still Matter in Relationships

by Taylor Team

Dating is hard. Like frozen ice-pop in the summer hard. But when you fall in love with someone, everything seems easy.

In the beginning, that is. When you begin a new relationship, everything is bliss and rainbows, fireworks and orgasms – like having your favorite meal with your favorite person at your favorite place, that kind of perfect.

But, after the few weeks to months of bliss and happiness, reality sets in and sometimes that spark starts to fade.

But sometimes, you still feel like a plastic bag – right Katy?

There are so many ways to keep the spark and love alive in a relationship, and the more you look online at “rekindling” relationship sites, the more you’ll be willing to try weird and crazy things, like tying your boyfriend up Christian Grey style and accidentally causing him a neck spasm sending him to the doctor (sorry Mel).

There are so many love gurus that will try and tell you after you lose the spark, it’s hard work to get it back. But they couldn’t be more wrong. All you need is a pen and any piece of paper.

The love letter is a gesture in dating that is older than most civilizations themselves. Love letters were even present in the Bible. I still remember when I got my very first love letter in the form of a cartoon valentine equipped with cherry heart-shaped lollipop in the 1st grade. Or, in middle school when a guy passed you a note in class saying:

“Will you go out with me? Circle Yes or No.”

There’s no doubt that receiving a love letter makes one feel special and important. That somebody went out of their way and took time out of their day to profess their feelings for you, on paper, makes you feel valued. But, the art of the love letter has gone far and lost in our dusty history textbooks along with Ancient Egypt and Rome because of modern technology.

We all know how easy it is to get bogged down by the trials and tribulations of everyday life. And though your partner should “know” that you love them, “there is nothing quite like a reminder each day to remind them that they are loved” according to DatingPilot. Whether it is an “I love you” whispered in their ear before they fall asleep at night (or when they are waking up in the morning and you are leaving for work), or a sweet text sent in the middle of the day when they least expect it, never forget to remind your partner how much they are loved.

Now, more often, you see couples replacing a romantic love letter with an Instagram post or a Facebook status. Instead of professing their love in solid written form on paper, they do it on typed form online, for the world to see. While some people may think professing your deepest emotions towards your significant other is romantic, I actually disagree.

Of course, I’m all about posting a cute selfie with my man whenever I get a chance, partly because I love him and partly because I love to embarrass him – but it’s not a form of replacement for our intimate feeling towards each other. Public displays of affection can not only annoy everyone else around you, but also put a dagger in your relationship.

It often comes off that you’re more concerned with sharing your relationship with the world than enjoying it just the two of you. There are only two people in a relationship, after all.

Every significant holiday, whether it be Christmas, his birthday, our anniversary, I always spend the extra time to write a heartfelt and truthful love letter expressing how grateful and happy I am to have him in my life – even if it costs me £5 for those overpriced Hallmark cards.

I know that you ladies will think that guys don’t really care, or will just throw them away after they read them, and trust me I thought that way too.

But, a few months ago, I was helping my boyfriend organize his papers from school when I opened the top drawer of his desk and uncovered all of the love letters I had ever written him – even the very first one from 3 and a half years ago.

Maybe it’s because I’m a hopeless romantic, or maybe it’s because I’m a writer, but nothing makes my day like receiving a hand-written love letter from my boyfriend. And, he knows it too, because whenever we have a bad argument, he knows love letters are the best way to say I’m sorry.

I mean, Noah did write Alli 365 love letters – one every day for a year. And, they ended up blissfully in love together.

Love letters put everything in perspective, not only for me but for my boyfriend too. When you sit down to actually write out how you feel, it makes everything feel more real. You have to actually think about what’s inside of your heart and what makes this person special for you.

With our modern day busy and hectic lives, where we barely have 5 minutes to ourselves, it’s rare to ever be alone with our thoughts. When you actually take the time out to do so, you’ll realize things and emotions you haven’t thought about before, or maybe even felt before. It can strengthen your relationship and your love for your significant other, by just being true to yourself.

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