After a breakup, sometimes we say “I’m over it” prematurely in the hope that saying the words out loud will actually make us get over it. Other times, we wait to say them until that glorious day when we actually mean it. The problem is, with an emotional, intense or passionate relationship, how do you know if you’re really over it? Do we ever really move on?
Well, we think so! Thank God, right? We’re not saying you can 100% move on from every relationship. If you lose the love of your life, you may very well never recover. But if you love someone and it doesn’t work out, it is very possible for you to someday be “over it.”
It’s possible but we don’t doubt that it’s hard to really feel “over it” or to know what it means exactly. You might feel like you’re over someone but still wonder “what if” years down the road. You might even be hurt so bad you hate the person with all of your heart but you still dream of the day they come back and beg for forgiveness. Every situation and relationship is different, so everyone’s take on being “over it” is inevitably different as well.
So, how do we know? How do we know that we are truly 100% okay with not being with our former flame? Is it seeing them with someone else and not caring? Is it finding your next love? Is it just not thinking about them anymore? What is the magic litmus test that determines if you’re over it or not? Unfortunately, there is none. Every person has to come up with their own meaning behind this tricky phrase.
Personally, our definition of being “over it” incorporates several things.
Being over it means that you really and truly no longer want to be with them.
It means given the realistic opportunity to get back together with them, you would either:
A. rather be with someone else
B. choose to remain single.
You may still not be “over” the pain they caused, and you still might think about them from time to time, but you no longer yearn for their presence in your life. You don’t miss them anymore or feel compelled to call them when something triggers a happy memory you shared.
Being over it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten the lessons you’ve learned or the pain that the breakup caused, it just means that you have no desire to re-learn those lessons and re-visit that pain.
You’ve dealt with the full range of emotions involved in a break up and no longer feel like they are controlling your life. They are as much a part of the past as your ex is. You’re no longer running around town wanting to explain to people how heartbroken you are, because, quite frankly you don’t feel heartbroken anymore.
Being over it means that you no longer try to bump into them on purpose or search their social media pages.
You don’t care enough to be sucked into the post-breakup drama that seeing them at their usual spots would inevitably cause. You no longer post things on your Instagram just in case they still look at it. You actually don’t give a sh*t if they look at your social media or not, because you’re just back to living your life again. No more carefully crafting your moves to see “what happens next” with the good old ex.
Being over it means that you no longer let your ex impact your decision making, in any form of your life.
You don’t pick guys to date that you know would piss him off, you pick guys to date that you actually want to date. You change your look to whatever you actually want. You chop your locks even though his favourite part about you was your long hair and you don’t think twice about doing it. You make plans for the distant future knowing full well that they won’t be in the picture.
Being over it means you feel refreshed and you feel like the storm has passed.
You no longer feel bogged down or that you could erupt into tears every time The Notebook is on. You feel empowered, stronger and happier that you went through a heartbreak and came out alive! Being heartbroken is such a helpless feeling, and now you’ve officially conquered it.
To us, being “over it” is a true thing of beauty. It’s proof that your internal wounds have healed… maybe not all, but most. It’s proof that you can now look back on the lessons you learned from that relationship and put the negative feelings and heartbroken desperation behind you. It’s the only way to move on, so when you’re “over it” embrace it and never ever look back.