Nomi Leasure… On The Female Orgasm

by Nomi Leasure

3 years into an amazing relationship I discovered what a real orgasm feels like… by myself. Guys are so lucky! How should I go about asking my boyfriend for more time spent on just me, rather than time spent having sex until he’s done? Which brings me to my second question… is there such a thing as a vaginal orgasm? I definitely know it happens through stimulation of the clitoris but can it happen from just vaginal action? – C.G.

Dear Every-Woman-Everywhere,

I’ll begin by saying…congratulations! You’ve had the eye opening experience of a true orgasm. Ahh – how glorious! Whether done on your own or with a partner, orgasms really are what life is all about.

The situation you’re in with your boyfriend is not at all uncommon. Both as men and women we have been conditioned by society to view sex through a very narrow lens. Unfortunately, most of the actual sex education we get is through porn. And porn is all about cum shots and cream pies. We think, as women, our job in the bedroom is to look sexy. And guys think their job is to pound a woman into oblivion. In the end, no one wins.

Let’s give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and go with he just doesn’t know any better. Let’s assume he really thinks he is pleasuring you. Here’s a question: Have you faked it? If so…STOP IMMEDIATELY. We can’t blame men for not knowing what they’re doing if we continue to “reward” them with Oscar-worthy performances.

So here’s how you can start to fix things:

  1. Be vocal about the things you do like. When he’s headed in the right direction, let him know.
  2. Tell him that you’ve never had an orgasm. It’s amazing how motivated guys get when there’s a goal in mind.
  3. Take matters into your own hands. Literally. If you know what gets you there, and you’re able to make yourself orgasm, incorporate that in. Rub your own clit while having sex. For a lot of women I know that’s the only way they can orgasm during sex.

Honestly, I’ve never had a vaginal orgasm. The only way I can finish is through clitoral stimulation, whether by fingers or tongues. Some women can finish just through vaginal intercourse, but hell if I know any. And lucky them. Every woman is different. Each beautiful vagina is different from the next.

It’s great that you’re starting to spend time with yourself and figure out what you like. Keep going along that journey, and fill your clueless boyfriend in while you’re at it.

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