Oops, I Have No Filter!

by Kirsten McCran

The majority of people can think of something and not say it. Sadly, this doesn’t include me.  Sometimes words fly out my mouth before I’ve had time to think about what I’m saying or the impact it’s about to have on the person/people I’m talking to. I’ve heard myself saying “did I actually just say that?” to look around the room at nodding heads. This can seem like I’m being judgmental, when, in some moments I’m trying really hard not to be. I thankfully have a great group of friends who I am able to laugh off most of these awkward moments with.

“A blessing and a curse” is one way to describe the lack of a filter; we tend to have the same characteristics to some extent.

Some people, like me, see not having a filter as a blessing but others really do view it as a curse. There are pros and cons of our characteristics and I experience all of them, lucky me!

HONESTY:

As children we are usually advised “Honesty is the best policy”, but sometimes being honest is like skating on thin ice.  
PRO: Important people in your life always know where they stand with you, they know they can come to you for advice and will always receive an honest, truthful answer. 
CON: Depending on how you position the words and tone, your honesty may come across as rude. So proceed with caution!

Your opinion can hurt. Try asking your friends if they would like a full on honest opinion or if they would like a tamer version. It could save your friendship!

REALISM:

Being realistic is a good trait to have, you may be seen as being serious but it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
PRO: Being realistic can stop you from getting your hopes up too high and can keep your feet on the ground. You might find you are pretty good to have around in an emergency due to you being able to separate emotion from the situation to think practically about the emergency itself.
CON: “Why so serious?” “Why are you so negative?” are two questions I get A LOT, usually just after telling someone with an impulsive personality that they shouldn’t do the stupid thing they are about to. Take comfort in the fact that you are just trying to help, you’ve offered your advice so let them take it from there!

DETERMINATION:

“Sheer grit and determination”, it can benefit you greatly. It can also be a key element to getting you through projects and can help to keep you on track. Being so steadfast can also contribute to your downfall if you don’t play nicely!
PRO: Determination can get you far in both the short and long term, it can give you guidance to get ahead in your career and life itself, and it may even win you the argument in the moment but is it worth it?
CON: on the other side of determination is stubbornness, you never back down from an argument and it can make you highly competitive. Again, is it worth it?

CONTROL:

Always wanting to be in control isn’t a bad thing. Remember that you can’t control all aspects of life. So role with life’s punches and you’ll be fine.
PRO: Organization is the key! To do list’s become a daily occurrence and you have a list of aims you wish to achieve during a certain time frame. You’re great to have around when planning group holidays; your organizational skills come in extremely handy when getting a group of people out of the country.
CONS: You can’t control people any more than you can control the weather, you may try but don’t. Every person has their own voice, although they may not be as confident as you to speak up and express their every thought or feeling, give them time. Patience!

EMPATHY – (or lack of)

Lacking empathy is not necessarily a bad trait, you can feel and act empathetic in certain situations but people generally know not to seek emotional help from you.
PRO: A lack of empathy can help you make fair and rational judgments on situations; thinking about it logically removes the emotional element for you.
CON: People may feel like you don’t care about them. Although you care about the person you are unable to relate to the situation they are struggling with and depending on the situation you actually might not care… just try not to let them know it. They often just need to talk and aren’t looking for an answer. Try to be present in the moment for your loved one.

Take from it what you will, the blessings and/or the curses. Thankfully I’m surrounded by amazing people who let me know when and if I’ve crossed a line. I wouldn’t trade not having a filter for the world.  It makes me different!

You may also like

1 comment

Kerry h February 6, 2017 - 9:32 pm

What a fantastic post Kirsten! Well done…I will take some advice from all of that. X

Reply

Leave a Comment