My dad has been tucked away in his old office filing cabinet for the last 4 years now. My mum hasn’t been able to bring herself to scatter his ashes for all this time, and so there he is kept, in a labelled plastic bag on top of his old tax return slips. Except, I don’t think of him as being in there at all.
The most difficult thing for me by far is getting myself to come to the realization that she will no longer be here. Ma will not be here to see me blow out my 28th birthday candles. Ma will not be here to go dress shopping with me for my once in a lifetime marriage.