Turning 30: A Love Letter To Myself

by Cathryn Curry Hasz

I really like statistics. I have a type A personality, and weird habits like counting how many stairs I just took or how many light bulbs are in a room.

My husband thinks I’m strange because my version of heaven would be one where I’m handed a list of my life’s accomplishments in number form when I reach the Pearly Gates… I’d be told my total number of steps, books read, lives changed, burgers eaten, beers drank, etc. However small or large, I am driven by these accomplishments.

How My Past Has Shaped Me

My twenties were an adventure. I’ve read hundreds of books. I’ve written one. I made new friends and grew apart from a few. I married my rock climbing partner, although we’re both far too lazy for that now. I became an aunt (twice!) and a “fairy” godmother. I’ve graduated from college, and then went back again. I’ve held newborn babies with their whole lives ahead of them, and I’ve cried at funerals and said goodbye forever to friends and loved ones.

I’ve changed jobs a few times, and my mind more often than not. I bought a house and adopted two cats with my husband. We’ve created a new life that’s ours, and somewhere in there turned into some semblance of adults.

Accepting Our Ageing

It’s an interesting thing, reaching these ages and years that we’ve spent such a long time being nervous or scared about when really, there is nothing scary about it. It is just a new and exciting chapter in a book with pages that fill in as you go.

We find it easy to lose sight of how wonderful spontaneity and unpredictability can be when we put so much emphasis on the goals we have set for ourselves. It can be easy to forget, but growing up and growing, in general, is so rewarding and rather than setting stringent goals and plans and things to achieve, what if we just remember that life is inherently unpredictable? Things will inevitably change and will not always go to plan but maybe that is by design. Maybe deviation is for the better. You’ll have made mistakes and learned from them, but at no point will you regret the experiences.

What the future holds

I am excited for 30. I was anxious and a little depressed for a time but realized I just needed new goals. In my 30’s, I will publish that book I wrote… Then, I will finish writing the others. I will work on overcoming the fear of attention and criticism and I will just… see how it goes. I will write for more blog sites. I’ll graduate from college and then, I will travel as much as I can. I’ll see the northern lights and countless more meteor showers.

I will get in the best shape of my life and I’ll try to stop looking at the wrinkles that were never there before. Full disclosure, I will not stop the hunt for greys. I know there’s one up there already, I can hear it…

I’ll appreciate my husband more, for being insane enough to marry me. I want to work on being less socially awkward and I’ll try to be more comfortable with groups, but won’t hate myself when I am the way I am.

I’ll spend more time with my family and friends, read more books, learn one damn instrument out of the 20 I’ve bought and work on being less stressed all the time. I will remind myself that as long as I tried my hardest, nothing and no one can make me feel bad about how it turned out.

I recently turned 360 months old… And I’m cool with that.

You may also like

Leave a Comment